


Brandy

by Dawnshadow



Series: Two Scions Walk Into a Bar.... [4]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: ...and is in love with Moenbryda anyway, F/M, Friendship, Headcanon: Urianger Is Either Asexual or Demisexual, Increasingly Esoteric Tagging, Inspired by a Valve Short, M/M, Requited Flirting, Unfulfilled Ship Tease: Urianger/Thancred, Unrequited Love, Yda Has Done Nothing But Teleport Bread For Three Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 06:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20131120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnshadow/pseuds/Dawnshadow
Summary: In the wake of Shiva, Urianger's old friend has already made quite the impact. Thancred finds him in the library (as expected.) Who could be better-equipped to teach Urianger how to -properly- seduce a woman?





	Brandy

"Many times have I told thee that I need not thine lessons in how to handle women." Urianger sighed and kept searching the library. The Scions had finally moved nearly all the tomes once stored in sandstone vault; he would need gather his research before his return to the Waking Sands. "And yet thou doth persist in thine offerings."

"Urianger. You're about to spend weeks in the Waking Sands, doing your research, alone with a woman whose _admiration_ for you is clear." Thancred grinned before he took a few books from Urianger. He set them on a table, sparing him having to step down from the stool. "And beyond that, her intellect is nigh a match for yours. And that’s not to start on her eyes. Or her hair. Or her magnificent bosom--"

"Moenbryda is mine oldest _friend_, Thancred." Urianger handed him two more books with a long-suffering sigh. "A friend, the same as thee. Thou art the only one now present who feels he must take every woman he encounters to his bed."

"The company would be good for you." Thancred put the books down, taking a moment to flip through one curiously. "You don't get out of the library nearly enough when you're here with us, and you're back at the Waking Sands more often than not."

"There is company and there is _company._ I am interested only in the first. She is dear to me, but I do not lust for her."

"So you admit that she's dear to you." Thancred grinned knowingly.

Urianger ignored that and continued talking. Perhaps he'd not considered his words with sufficient care. "It is not lack of ability that leads me to not lure women to my bed, merely a lack of desire."

"Is it, now?" Thancred was grinning. "I can imagine that a lot of women would find your unusual manner of speaking quite romantic."

"'Tis no mistake. They do often comment on such."

"Your clothing, less so."

Urianger stepped down from the stool, the last book selected. "Mine clothing is chosen for practicality, not to attract women. Clearly unlike thine."

Thancred grinned and offered Urianger a flask. "Here. Drink some of this, then we'll work on your flirting."

Urianger sighed, resigned to his fate, and opened the flask. He sniffed it before he sipped. It was strong, and burned into a radiant heat as he swallowed it. He closed the flask again, wincing, and returned it. "Stronger than I'd like."

"I'll keep that in mind. Now… a starting point." Thancred tucked the flask away, then turned back toward Urianger. "Seduce me."

Urianger stared at him. "Hast thou gone mad?"

"No. There's no one else here but you and I. Act as if I'm a woman for a few minutes and I'll give you pointers." Thancred chuckled as he said that. "And it might be better if you took the goggles off. It's damnably hard to work with someone for this sort of thing if you can't see their eyes."

Urianger indulged him, setting the goggles aside, blinking as his eyes adjusted to unfiltered light. "If thou must…" He looked at Thancred, considering his approach. "Thine countenance is as lovely as a flower opening to the morning sun. To gaze upon it is to gaze upon a beauty known to few men, one that ought to be listed amongst the world's greatest treasures."

"Not bad." Thancred was still grinning madly. "But… do you think Moenbryda would be flattered by such talk?"

"It is as doubtful as thou doth presume."

"Then try something else. Something more forceful. Otherwise she'll just trample you, metaphorically speaking."

If Thancred wished to challenge him, so be it. "A more forceful seduction. Art thou sure that this is thine wish?"

Thancred nodded. "I'd like to see you try."

"May I have leave to touch thee?"

Thancred raised an eyebrow at that and nodded. "Go ahead."

Urianger considered his next few actions carefully, then _moved_. Grabbed Thancred by the shoulders and pressed him to the wall, then moved uncomfortably close, pinning him with his body as he took his wrists overhead in one hand, leaving the other free.

Thancred tensed, resisting for a moment out of fighting instinct, then let himself be pinned. Urianger's pin wasn't particularly strong—he was a scholar, not a trained fighter— but it was _unexpected_. "What—?"

Urianger leaned down to growl into Thancred's ear. "Thou art _mine_." His free hand stroked down the side of Thancred's face, tracing the tattoos on his neck and drawing forth a soft gasp before brushing over the cloth collar. "Mine to keep. And mine to protect." His hand moved up again, carding through his hair as his voice softened to something like a throaty purr. "And thou shalt be very… very good for me."

Thancred _shuddered. _ "Okay—okay. That—."

Urianger stopped petting him and pulled back to look at him. "This was not thine desire when thou didst ask for forceful seduction?"

"I-- I don't know. I said seduce _me_, but I meant a generic_ me_. That was—where did you learn to do _that_?"

"Well. _This_ certainly explains a lot." Moenbryda's tone was laced with amusement. "I'm quite happy for the two of you."

Urianger froze, then very quickly backed away from Thancred—releasing his wrists—and turned to face Moenbryda as he reached for his goggles. "It is not what it seems to be! We were only…"

"Only? And in such a state of undress!" She'd started to chuckle as Urianger fumbled with his goggles. Thancred shook his head, rendered speechless for the moment. "I'll give you two some privacy. I'll be upstairs when you're ready to go."

Urianger watched her leave, then turned back to Thancred, who still looked stunned. "…this never happened."

Thancred nodded.

Yda tossed another croissant into the aetheryte. It vanished with a soft wooshing sound.

"Yda! What are you—" Another croissant vanished. Papalymo watched it go. "What are you doing?"

"It's what Moen's notes said to do!" Yda tossed another one in.

Papalymo looked at the notes. "No! This isn't right at all!" He looked around the aetheryte… at all the empty baskets. "_How long have you been doing this?_"

The road back to Venture Bay was long and dry, but quiet at this time of the evening. "So did he ask me to seduce him forcefully, and… how much didst thou overhear?"

"Enough." Moenbryda hadn't stopped laughing since he started the story. "More than enough, really. Gods, you got a good read on him. That was not the face of a disinterested man! What did you even _say_ to him?"

"Simple words, carefully chosen." Urianger was just glad he was once more begoggled and hooded. "He is my friend. Nothing more lieth between us."

"You'll have to tell me more about him! You know, he tried to flirt with me earlier." Oh, how radiant was his moon. "With rather less spectacular success."

"Rarely have I seen a woman he did not try to lure into his bed. Even more rarely have I seen him succeed." Urianger grinned. "There is something to be said for persistence."

"There is, indeed." Moenbryda's smile was knowing. "If not for that, I wouldn't have you, after all."

"Nor I, thee." And for that—that he had her once again, even were it only as friend, even if it were not for him to be hers—for her presence alone he was grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> Note that this series is ultimately about the platonic friendship between Thancred and Urianger, not a sexual relationship. I honestly think it could work and may eventually explore it, but it won't happen in this series/continuity. The idea of Thancred pulling a "seduce me" was just too funny to -not do-.
> 
> I also don't intend to write the other, more obvious/expected ending to Urianger's seduction attempt, but if you wish to write it yourself you have my blessing.


End file.
